The Day I Married My Brother

I don't know if those stories are real or just crazy things that get added to newspapers to attract readers but we've all seen them. Two people fall in love and get married only to find out (to their horror) that their spouse is actually a sibling. It's a story that we read, try to fathom what we would do, and then try to forget about as quickly as possible.

Thankfully, my husband was from the far off country of Canada so I was sure there was no chance of such a story happening to me. As we both stood at the altar I looked into the eyes of the man that I loved with all of my heart and promised to honor and love him as long as I lived. I was sure we would both dance off into the sunset and have the picture "perfect" marriage I had seen my parents enjoy.

Now don't get me wrong, I am very thankful for the man that I married, but it only took a couple of months for me to find myself annoyed at this or frustrated over that. My husband has patiently put up with my failings but as the months turned into years I found myself pulling out new irritants and showing less and less respect. I may be the only one who struggles with this, but I would head home from work with a super happy demeanor only to walk through the door and magically, instantly become the Grinch. The unity that had seemed so intact on our wedding day was unraveling and with each passing day I found myself more and more critical of, "that man I married." While the law called us "family" it certainly did not seem so.

It was in this bleak and deteriorating world that the Word of God suddenly challenged my heart:

"... Whoever loves God must also love his brother (1 John 4:21)."

 

My brother!! This verse was telling me that if I love God then it would be evident by how I treated the family of God. I realized in that instant the shocking truth: I had married my brother.

 

Scripture is clear that those who have accepted God's free gift of Salvation are given the name Children of God (Galatians 3:26). Those who are a part of this family are no longer abandoned, lonely and searching but are bought with a price. They are valuable and united through Christ with an equal standing as "beloved brothers (James 1:19)." There are so many implications that cannot be covered in a meager blog post but the one that cut through my heart was the truth that my husband Is. My. Brother. When I snap at him I am snapping at a brother that God has said is deserving of honor. When I choose to be disrespectful (because it is always a choice) I am tearing down a brother that God has said He will exalt. When I quarrel or induce conflict with my husband I am creating disunity within the family of God. When I speak ill of my husband to others, or even to myself within my own mind, I am speaking ill of a brother that God has said is no longer under condemnation. Not even from me.

 

Please don't tell me I'm the only one with such a wicked heart. As I write this confession and consider my actions through the eyes of Scripture every "justifying" excuse I make only sickens me further.

 Familial Strength

 

We live in a broken world with broken people. In a typical family there is bickering, arguing, fights, and even disowning of one another. But when an outsider even utters a word of offense against one member the whole family suddenly stands together in defense like chainmail armor. Sadly, as broken people we have a tendency to carry these same patterns into our relationships with our brothers and sisters in Christ. The Church is full of people who "bite and devour" one another. Arguments erupt easily at church business meetings and quarrels break out like epidemics from the slightest offense. We speak evil against one another and destroy the self worth of others without a thought. How different from the view and expectation that God has. This is not the way that a family washed in the purifying blood of Christ demonstrates the love of their Father to one another. This family should look drastically different. Do we still have sinful hearts that are corrupted and twisted? Of course. But the powerful work of the Holy Spirit gives us the ability to stand as a firmly united family. Psalm 133 says, "Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!...It is like the dew of Hermon, which falls on the mountains of Zion! For there the Lord has commanded the blessing, life forevermore."


When we reflecting the love of God to one another and live in unity we dimly reflect the beautiful union that will take place when we dwell in the New Jerusalem for all of eternity as a redeemed family. In addition, such unity strengthens the family as a unit and builds us up as a body. Now here comes the knife to the gut...if your husband is a believer such unity and love extends to him as well.

 Loving My Man

Earlier I used a phrase which we toss around easily enough without thinking of the depth of the meaning. As "brothers and sisters in Christ" we are not only united through the blood of Christ with one another but this same purification unites us to Christ. In essence, the way I love my husband is a direct action toward Christ. My heart toward Christ will be evidenced by the way I speak, think, respond to and serve my husband. So what should this love look like? No matter how comfortable I get with my husband what should flow from my heart is the very love that I have been shown. It will be patient when he doesn't fill the dishwasher the way I think it should be filled. It will be kind when I'm hangry and PMSy. This love will not envy when he moves through grief faster than me or boast when I feel the need to put him down just so I can feel better about myself. When I love my husband as my brother it will result in allowing him to have his way rather than forcing my own because its "better." I won't resent him for spending the evening out with the guys or get irritated because he didn't jump off the couch to help me with groceries the minute I pulled in the driveway. And what about the bigger stuff? What about when he messes up? It happens rarely, but we are all human. Well, loving him as my brother will mean I won't think in my mind, "how dare he...I would never do something like that"...or anything of the like. In fact, this love will practice trusting him, believing the best about him and hold on to hope because he is redeemed. This love will recognize that I'm fallen too and that I make more mistakes than any brother wants in a sister, or husband in a wife. Finally, this love will endure because it seeks to image Christ and His steadfast love endures forever (Ps 139).

So how do I conclude such a weird article? Well, I guess just by saying that marrying my brother has turned out to be one of the best adventures of my life. Through it God is teaching me more about myself, more about Himself, and more about how every moment of my life impacts my eternal family. When I love my husband as the brother God has given me I understand God's steadfast and unfailing love in ways that are eternally enduring. And when I love, as God does, the brother I married it strengthens the Bride of Christ as a whole. What a beautiful, radical change it would make in the universal church if Christian women around the globe threw off our chains of self righteousness and committed to loving our brother steadfastly for the rest of eternity.