When the Battle Rages ~ Ministering to the Depressed Spouse

Depression is war, with everyday being a new battle. At times, it may be an exhausting slog through the muddy trenches. At other times, it is an intense fight for life itself. Contrary to the opinion of some, depression itself is not sin, although it does make one vulnerable to sin. While the natural desire of the depressed is to retreat, it is essential to have— 

1.              Help in the Battle (Genesis 2:18)

For a woman whose husband is battling depression, the challenges that come with depression give opportunity to flesh out our intended design as a spouse: helper. 

The word actually means:One who comes alongside to physically, emotionally, and spiritually encourage, lift, and strengthen.  

When is the role of helper more important than when the burden is the heaviest, the path is darkest, and life is loneliest?!  That help may take the form of: 

a.     Wisdom to minister through reminding your spouse of spiritual truth, with a loving spirit, at the right time. This requires that you are growing and grounded in truth yourself.

"A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver." 

~ Prov 25:11 ESV

b.     Insight to know your spouses greatest need at the moment, and spiritual creativity to know how to meet it. Silliness and forced fun is usually not beneficial! 

c.     Protection from the opinions, words, and attacks that others may launch toward your spouse. This is especially important for those of us married to men in positions of leadership within ministry. The enemy will be seeking ways to further discourage and destruct those who are on the forefront of spiritual warfare. You can minister to your husband by helping to protect him from the "WMD's" thrown his way.

d.     Physical nearness. This may seem like an odd way to minister to your husband, but a biblical woman will seek to be a pillar of strength in situations that are challenging for her husband. Sometimes the best way to minister is to be near and ask the Lord for supernatural strength to bear up the burdens of your struggling spouse.

e.     Walking or exercising together. Exercise is a necessity for those suffering from depression. While you may be the primary source of encouragement for your spouse, your struggling spouse may sometimes need a trusted friend of their own gender to process with and confide in. You can minister to the spouse suffering with depression simply by facilitating a time for them to go walking or exercising with a trusted friend 

With many causes, faces, and intensities, depression should never be blanketed with pat answers to its many questions, nor can it be eliminated by happy thoughts and exercise.  Having briefly experienced the weight and darkness of depression, I was forced to accept its reality, but, hopefully, also learned to respond with a bit more compassion to those who live in the battle.  I have also come to the realization that often the person in greatest need of change may not be the individual with depression—but those walking with them.  Everything God allows to touch our lives (regardless of form) is for our good, conforming us to His image. Living alongside someone with Depression affords the perfect opportunity to grow in Christlikeness as we choose to demonstrate—
  

2.              Love in the Battle (I Corinthians 13:4-8)

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on it's own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong doing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends..." ~ I Corinthians 13:4-8

I Corinthians 13:4-8 gives us an excellent, step-by-step illustration of what it looks like to love your spouse in the midst of a battle with depression. 

Here, in brief are 11 ways that you can practically demonstrate the unconditional love of Christ to a spouse battling depression:

a. Choose to be Patient—Recognize that the Holy Spirit is the only one capable of changing a heart, mind, or body and that He will accomplish it in His time.

b. Choose to be Kind—Gently come alongside the “bruised reed” to help strengthen and support 

c. Choose to be Humble—Focus on our own areas of limitation and how God’s grace uses the weakness of man to do great things 

d. Choose to be Considerate—Thinking of the needs (emotionally, physically, spiritually) of the individual and what is best for them rather than what is beneficial for me       

e. Choose not to be Irritable—This person is not an inconvenience, but a God-gift to conform me to Christ

f. Choose to be Thankful—Set aside the lens of your own experience so as not to resentfully judge 

g. Choose to Speak and Dwell on Truth--Rejoice in truth, speak it in love, and reiterate it as often as necessary

h. Choose to Bear all things—“Hurting people, hurt people.”   Don’t take things personally.

i.  Choose to  Believe all things—Learn to really listen to the individual as they verbalize the conflict within so that you can reassure them they are not facing the battle alone

j.  Never give up Hope—claiming God’s truths for yourself, as well as the individual

k. Choose to Endures All Things -  Love never ends.

Few will make it through this journey of life without being touched by depression in some degree. The length and depth may depend upon the source of that depression, but its presence does not automatically equate spiritual or mental “weakness.” In fact, the very opposite may be true!  Read a few biographies of servants of God and you will often find the common thread of depression.  Shocking?! While all believers are in spiritual warfare, it is intensified in the lives of those who are a threat to the power and holdings of the enemy.  Believers desperately need—

3.              Power in the battle (Ephesians 6:10-18)

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.  Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.  Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.  In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance.”  Ephesians 6:10-18

While it would be easier if we could see the “flesh and blood” of the enemy, we would most likely try to control the situation by fighting the battle for our loved one. However, we have been asked to “do” the hardest thing—pray—and allow God to show Himself mighty in the life of your loved one. The wounded soldiers in this battle desperately need their spouse—and others—to join the fight by becoming warriors in prayer on their behalf.  The enemy is a master deceiver who, in the weariness of the battle, will seek to turn a warrior into a weapon. The enemy is real—“Keep alert with all perseverance.”  The battle is intense—“Pray at all times.” It truly is a matter of life and death —“Stand firm.”   

The powers of evil are bent on destroying anyone or anything that has the potential of bringing God glory. Can we reason then that the battle will be most intense for those having the most potential for impact? With that knowledge, be energized by God’s mighty strength for the battle, pull on His impenetrable armor, “pray without ceasing,” “and having done all, stand firm!” 

 Terri Janke is the mother of 5 children and the wife of Pastor John Janke. Terri lives in Iowa where her husband  has been in pastoral ministry for 14 years and currently serves at Northbrook Baptist Church and. Terri was a professor of home economics and family studies for 16 years and has a passion for training women to love God and live radically for Him. She enjoys flirting with her husband, reading, writing bible studies, and spending time making memories with her family.